MU - 2nd Floor: North Bathrooms

Full Memorial Union Building Guide

*Pictures to come*

At A Glance

• Urinal Dividers: Not only is each individual urinal divided, but the entire section of urinals are separated by a wall from the rest of the bathroom. Now that's privacy!
• Disposable Covers: Yes
• Hooks: Yes
• Graffiti: N/A
• Supplies: Well stocked; *Air blowers instead of paper towels

3/5

Location

There is a staircase next to the Starbucks which should take you right to these bathrooms. Incredibly close and requires little effort to get to.

4/5

Traffic

Assuming you visit during the busiest hours, you should find about half the crowd you would find on the first floor. The stalls are almost never filled; usually you'll only share the bathroom with 1 or 2 neighbors, but it is possibly to have more at times.

If there is events going on in the nearby ballrooms, expect a larger influx of visitors. Perhaps consider going to third floor.

2/5

3.5/5 - Busy Hours

Atmosphere and Cleanliness

While the rest of the MU goes for a maroon and grey theme, this bathroom features a lot of thin steel designs for the stalls and dividers. It feels very sleek, and stands out among the rest of the restrooms, however the lighting is a bit more dim. The bathroom is contains a multitude of urinals, stalls, and sinks, ensuring you'll never be left wanting.

You will find the level of cleanliness LEAGUES above the first floor, however it just barely falls short of beating the third floor for cleanest in MU. 

3.5/5

Overall

I recommend this bathroom over all others in the MU for it's ratio of location/cleanliness. If you are seeking somewhere less crowded, consider the south bathroom, or the third floor.

3.5/5

Hayden Library - Building Overview

Overview

Considered a sanctuary by many who enter it's hallowed halls. Some students spend many a night here, slaving away at their homework. Come finals week, the air is heavy with the smell of desperation--which incidentally smells similar to the body odor of one who hasn't bathed in a few weeks.

If, like me, you find yourselves spending quite a bit of your life here, you'll eventually heed to the screams of your bowels. Thus, you must arm yourselves with the knowledge here so you may poop efficiently.

Toilet Guide

Often in buildings you want to avoid the ground floor bathrooms like the plague--as it's actually possible they do have the plague--and instead climb the building as high as needed to find the cleanest bathroom offered (Often referred on this blog as The Golden Rule) . Hayden Library, however, does not follow this rule, as it houses very few bathrooms to begin with. This, combined with the high traffic Hayden always receives, results in bathrooms that are perpetually sub-par.

To be at all content pooping in this library, you must first admit to yourself that you will never have a great poop here. However, once you understand this, you can focus on having a passable poop. Your bet bet here is the bathroom located in the group area behind Charlie's Cafe. However, quality cannot be guaranteed during the more busy hours. In fact, in most cases, there will be little difference between any of the bathrooms, so I recommend simply choosing whatever is nearest.

Full Bathroom List

B2:

• Near Elevator - 2/5

B1/Main Floor:

• Near Entrance - 2/5
• Near Elevators - 2.5/5
• Near Group Area - 2.7/5

F1:

• N/A

F2:

• Near Elevators - 2.3/5

F3:

• N/A

MU - Building Overview

Overview

Here at ASU, the Memorial Union (MU) is nearly as iconic as Palm Walk. Everyone has eaten here at least one time in there career as a student, and it's also host to many events on all it's floors. My first semester I fondly recall coming here everyday, consuming Chick-fil-a in a sort of buttermilk ranch haze, until ultimately ending up in a sort of food coma filled with bipedal cows carrying signs that read "Deth komes 2 us all". Haven't touched the stuff since.

Toilet Guide

The bathrooms on the first floor of the MU are far from a fun time, but this is not a surprise to the more experienced pooper. However, it's an inevitability that many students will hear the call of nature while in the vicinity of  the MU area. At this moment you may find your mind calculating whether the effort of finding a more palatable bathroom is worth the effort, and many often resign to their fate of mediocrity. 

However I am here today to tell you hope is found at the MU; not only can you find a decent bathroom, you may sign up to become a frequent flyer.

The key lies, as always, in the Golden Rule of pooping. Yes, the second floor of MU offers solace in the form of two bathrooms to choose from, and if that isn't enough to excite you, there is even the often forgotten third floor bathroom.

"Third floor?", you may conjecture, "Poppycock; none of the stairs I know of go up that far!"

Well Mr. Strawman, you are obviously using neither the correct stair case, nor the elevator. The third floor is accessed by the stairs located next to the Taco Bell, and is used primarily for student organizations, frat/sobriety life, undergrad government, and other such needs. The bathroom is located directly across from the elevator, which is a straight shot from where the stairs let out. There is a front desk blocking your way, but if you walk with a purpose and do not make eye contact, they should give you no trouble. If they do, God rest your bowels.

Full List

B1

• Across from Sparky's Den - Not Good/5

F1

• Hallway connecting Starbucks and Chick-Fil-A - Even Worse/5
• Lost and Found - Eh, It's alright/5

F2

• North Stairs - 3.5/5
• South Stairs/Elevator - 3/5

F3

• Across from Elevator - 3.5/5

Hayden Library - B2

Full Hayden Guide

At a Glance

Disposable Covers: No

Hooks: Yes; Some broken

Dividers: Yes

Supplies: Moderately Stocked All Around
Graffiti: N/A

Other: This bathroom lacks the fancy laptop holders some of the other bathrooms have

2.5/5

Location

This is the only bathroom on the base floor, and easy enough to get to. No point if you are not already down there, however.

3.5/5

Traffic

Roughly about the same as the other floors: Quite a bit of traffic, never a moment alone.

4/5

Atmosphere and Cleanliness

This was my first visit to this floor of Hayden, and I was surprised to find that I severely underestimated the amount of people there were. My hope for a more secluded and clean bathroom was quickly dashed as I stepped into the room. There isn't much to say, it mirrors the second floor bathroom in everything except for traffic honestly (this bathroom having a bit more).

2.5/5

Summary:

It's passable. And really, are you going to go all the way out of the building to find something better? Your time is better spent studying.

2/5

Brickyard - Building Overview

Click for location

Overview

Many are not aware the Tempe campus extends all the way down to Mill and 7th for what is know as the Brickyard buildings. It mostly holds classes for Engineering, so very few have to make the fun 15 minute walk in the blistering Arizona sun because they lost their key for their bike lock. Which probably happens to many students I imagine.

It is an interesting complex, as the main building is built atop preexisting businesses, such as Stake and Shake, and Ike's Sandwiches (Both of which, I highly recommend). Most classes will be held in the Artisan Court, the smaller of the 3 buildings, as much of the space in the main Brickyard building is occupied by office spaces and research centers. 

Bathroom Guide

Brickyard, on average, has amazingly clean and stylish bathrooms. This isn't as obvious in the lower floor bathrooms, but I highly recommend any of the rooms from floor 3-6; you can find the review for the 6th floor bathroom [here]. The Artisan Court bathrooms are nothing to sneeze at, but should be passed by for more superior bathrooms if possible.

Brickyard - 6th Floor

If you aren't familiar with Brickyard, ASU's extra little campus, read the building overview here.

At a Glance

• 2 Urinals; 2 Stalls
• Dividers: Yes - Thick ones
• Disposable Covers: Yes
• Hooks: No
• Graffiti: N/a
• Supplies: Well stocked; Automatic-Sink

Other: Carries a shelf outside the stalls. You might consider placing your backpack here, as there is no hooks, but based on the quality of this bathroom, you are not risking much by placing it onto the floor.

4/5

Location

This one is certainly not easy to access. For one, brickyard is a good 15 minute walk from campus, making it essentially useless to those who do not already have classes here. Secondly, it's at the six floor, which very few students have reason to be. For this bathroom, you will want to take a left as you exit the elevator, as the right leads to a front desk, which leads to a terribly awkward conversation.

2.5/5  (Unless you decided to walk 15 minutes just to use the bathroom, in which case 1/5 you ridiculous, but tenacious explorer)

Traffic

The only people who use this bathroom are the workers at brickyard, which there are quite a bit, and those who are reading this post, which there are few. So expect a few people to come in here and there.

2.5/5

Atmosphere and Cleanliness

Walking into this bathroom, I was forced to double check that I did in fact walk into an ASU bathroom. While the majority of restrooms on this campus It exudes a sleek style that compliments the rest of Brickyard's color scheme. 

Entrance

Hey, actual carpet!

Sink

I particularly enjoy the circular mirrors

Toilet Stall

Look at that wood!

Forgive my mess

The bathroom was held to a high level of cleanliness as well. As the toilet is manned by adult employees, were there any graffiti, which there is none, it would not be of good reading material. Probably about taxes or whatever it is working adults complain about.

4.7/5

Overall

Quite a stunning display. If you find yourself in the neighborhood whilst dropping the kids off at the pool, I would highly suggest you swing by.

4.5/5

ISTB 4 - 7th Floor Bathroom

ISTB 4 Full Building Guide Here

At a Glance

• 2 Urinals; 2 Stalls
• Urinal Dividers: Yes
• Disposable Covers: Yes
• Supplies: Well Stocked
• Hooks: Yes
• Graffiti: N/A

Other: Outside the stalls, shelves are supplied. Though normally you might have reservations about theft, the 7th floor benefits from very little traffic, meaning any would-be thieves would be easily found through cameras were there to be any. However, hooks are also supplied, allowing you to hang your backpack if you desire.

5/5

Location

This bathroom is located on the 7th floor of a building that is out of the way for the average student. However the trek is undoubtedly worth it, especially considering there is very rarely any visitors. If you ride the light rail, this is only a slight detour on your trip.

2/5

Traffic

The bathroom appears as if not a soul has used it, and you will be hard pressed to ever witness another person during your stay. 

5/5

Cleanliness & Atmosphere

This bathroom is clean. Really clean. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-mindbogglingly clean it is. I mean, you may think you keep your home toilet spotless, but that's just peanuts to ISTB 4.*

Long bright lights adorn the pristine mirrors. You won't a scratch of graffiti or even a drop of urine here, and it seems the toilets could teach snow a thing or two about being white. The tiles are a nice grey color which are nice on the eyes.

4.8/5

*For the non-hoopy froods

Overall

With a little under 2 years of experience on this campus, I do not believe I have ever had such a pleasant experience pooping. Truly one of the best ASU has to offer, I fully recommend going at least once in your life. The only thing keeping it from being a 5/5 is that it's way out of most people's way.

4.7/5

ISTB 4 - Building Review

Click for Location

Overview

Anyone even remotely involved with science should recognize the Interdisciplinary Science and Technology Building 4, as it is one of the nicest, and most recent, research buildings on campus. Just over 3 years old, ISTB 4 is clean and, to borrow ASU's favorite word, innovative. It houses the School of Earth and Space Exploration as well as some departments from Fulton Engineering.

While primarily used for research, the first two floors are designed more for the average Joe. It holds several fun displays, a meteorite museum, and--my personal favorite--a 250 seat auditorium. In this theater, ASU is known to put on several shows, and talks held by respected scientists; these events are well made in that the majority can usually be enjoyed by people regardless of scientific knowledge.

The fancy amenities do not stop there, however. Because even if you have a PHD, you need to poop. And when you devote several years of your life so you may research in a building for a good portion of your day, you would certainly ensure that poop is as restful as possible.

So it is here, fellow restroom-naughts, that some of the best bathrooms on campus can be found.

Bathroom Guide:

The first two floors of this building can largely be ignored. Not because these bathrooms are bad by any means, but when the halls of Valhalla are within reach, settling for anything less is simply idiotic. Unless you actually need to spend a large amount of time on another floor, go straight up to the 7th floor. 

Be warned, however: not only is the 7th floor fairly small, but rarely would a stranger have a reason. This means if you happen to meet anyone up there, they'll know you're only there to take advantage of their sacred grove. Should this bother you, the 6th floor is another slice of heaven (though perhaps a smaller slice). 

The full review of the 7th floor bathroom is [Here]. As with most large buildings, each level you descend drops the quality by a bit. However here there is a much larger gap between the 3rd and 2nd floor, so try to always get to at least the 3rd floor.